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is chivalry dead?
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Do women even notice the little things guys do for them on dates or while dating? Simple stuff, like opening the car door for them, walking on the outside (curbside) of the sidewalk, allowing them to sit down first at a restaurant, etc. A sincere "thank you" would be nice once in a while.
About this poster:
Posted by:
jerry_sizzzler
(male, late-30s)
(Posted 7/1/05)
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Responses (22)
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antichick
(7/1):
yes we notice...But, unfortunately most of us are so caught off guard when it happens that we don't know what to say. I may be in the minority, but I never expect a guy to open doors for me or pay for dinner. When it happens it's wonderful! So Thank you jerry...and all the rest of you who've picked up the check and walked us back to our cars (street side) without expecting anything in return.
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Anonymous
(7/7):
Hey Jerry Sizzler - are you serious? Of course we notice. But your question is so typical California. In other parts of the country, this question would not be asked.
Men are SUPPOSED to open doors for us, walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk, pay for dinner, etc. This should not be a big deal - it's what men do. We have things that we do as women - we wear makeup, skirts, high heels, we laugh at your jokes, etc., but you don't see me submitting a post about it. Those are just the things I do as a woman.
Get over it. If you're buying her crazy gifts, making her dinner, taking her horseback riding, or other things that are above and beyond, then you are warranted in your complaint. Until then, you're on your own, Jer.
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antichick
(7/7):
Hey anonymous...you must be from the south. As women we are EXPECTED to wear skirts and heels and laugh at bad jokes!?! Sorry hun, but I can get 'em wearing flip flops and jeans. For the record - men don't HAVE to do sh-t and I ain't wearin' heels for anyone but me. No courtesy laughs here.
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JustMe
(7/17):
Chivalry is when you slay dragons to protect me. Being a gentleman and having manners is a different story. Any woman worth her margurita salt will appreciate the little things that you do. Just don't stop them when you get what you want.
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clinton6
(7/18):
hi
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Anonymous
(7/23):
I don't know which girls you've been dating but I always say thank you when a guy does those little things for me (opening car door, etc.)
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Anonymous
(7/23):
I think that art of good behavior is fast becoming a lost art in our society. People who treat each other courteously should do so out of respect or simple good breeding. My current beau is one of those kind. It definitely set him apart for the competition. I firmly believe, that manners and consideration are a sign that you have self-control--makes a LTR much easier to manage because both participants have more to bring to the table.
No matter how intimate the relationship, treating the other person with appreciation will go a long way to extending its life span. Manners should not be thanked, but reciprocated in kind. Needless to say, it does not grant a one way ticket to the bedroom. A gentleman may have hopes but not expectations.
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webmistressjulia
(7/25):
Jerry, I notice manners good and bad, in any situation, for the record. However you may have dated ladies that are unaccostomed to such gallant maneuvers and are caught off guard without an appropriate response. It seems to me that most folks are left adrift without much direction in the manners department these days. I'm a full grown adult, I don't need you to open doors for me, of course, and that's not the point. When my date, companion, peer, friend, or whomever acts in this manner, I take it as an expression of respect, caring and do my best to return it in kind, actually, as well as a verbal acknowledgement. Please, may I, thank you and you're welcome all grease the wheels of common civility and pleasant discourse. You might need to date a better class of lady to find these qualities Jerry. We're out there. I'm glad to know you're out there too!
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unfair_practice
(7/26):
Yes, definitely! My boyfriend has been opening the car door for me since the day we met 7 years ago and I love it. And I need to tell him more often -- and will after seeing your post.
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Anonymous
(7/27):
I noticed and I married him. And to this day, when I'm a passanger in his car, he opens the door for me but he also does it for his daughter and anyone else that rides in his car...he has good manners. It isn't chivarly on his part, he is just well mannered and it is very much appreciated. He also pumps my gas and cleans my car windows...every time he is with me (this is just super sweet). To let him know that I appreciated his opening my car door...I would always lean over and unlock his door as he walked around to get in...but I guess with these new cars with automatic locks, you don't have that simple way to say Thanks. Could the problem be that these ladies can tell you are doing it just to "impress" them and then it just comes across as acting? Or are your good manners 2nd nature and come across as sincere? Believe me, it makes a difference. I never enjoyed a man that seemed to be "acting" to impress me.
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Anonymous
(7/28):
There's nothing I love more than having my door opened for me while on a date or "just because". It shows class and consideration, and that somebody did something right in the his upbringing. To all the guys who still practice the art of chivalry - many kudos to you! And Thank-You from the bottom of my heart!
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soccerboy1966
(7/29):
In response to "JustMe" any woman worth her Margurita salt knows how to spell "Margarita"!
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him8nce1
(8/3):
Jerry, if you haven't been properly thanked for your thoughtfulness then I am sorry on behalf of all women every where, but I must say that all of the things you listed, do not warrant a reaction more than a courteous smile. NEWSFLASH: men are supposed to do those things!!!! Women get all dolled up, spend hours in the gym, pick out the right outfit, choose makeup carefully and primp like our lives depend upon it and you all don't notice it; but no matter what, we will continue to do it until the day we die.Why? because that is part of being a woman just like being chivalrous (sp?) should be second nature to you. Think of it this way; we try to look good for guys so that they will think we're hot, you, should be chivalrous for the same reason. Make your date feel like your actions are second nature to you ( sfter all, they really SHOULD be) and I guarantee you get laid more.... try it, it can't hurt!
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BallisticReport
(8/3):
Diddn't you know Chivalrys dead, Hes rotting in the trunk of my car.
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treysongzissexy
(4/24):
Yes, as a woman I do notice the simple things.It all depends on how your are raised and your background.Again, as a woman it makes you feel special and appreciated.For men it shows the level of respect you have for a woman.I'm sure they wouldn't shut the door on their mother!So, woman do notice the simple things, because now of days you don't see the simple things like respect for woman anymore.We are thankful when you do stuff like that, so to show my manners and respect I do say "thank you'. Again, it's going back to how you were raised.Far as it is what men are supposed to do, I don't believe that because it's stereotypic , but It is respectful and most of the time expected.In my opinion , sometimes it makes woman look weak at times because we expect the man to pay for the dinner, which is nice, but it is not a weakness.If a young man was raised right,and knows to respect woman showing cortesy to woman should be in their daily agenda.I think chivalry is alive and still among almost all men.It their level of respect for a woman which accounts for their polite actions.
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angel414
(4/25):
I think its great!!i pay attention to every little thing a guy dose for me! but most off the time its not much... guys these days only do the "oh you better" things meaning, opening doors and payin for meals.Unless you hava a guy that really dose treat you right then they are showing thiere level of respect they have for you! and thats great!..if a guycant apretiat the fact that your even with him then he needs to be gone..lol..if he dose everthing he can do to make you see that he respects you then hes a keeper!!!
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Anonymous
(4/27):
yes we notice. but women shouldn't have to say thank you. our thank you is shown not in verbal, but in the way we act towards you. a guy should treat a lady with respect and shouldn't expect us to say thank you. manners shouldn't be thanked except you should thank your parents for your manners. yes we say thank you every once in awhile but i mean look at all the things we do. dress up for you, make sure we don't embarass you in front of your friends, etc. a true gentlemen wouldn't really minded if the woman didnt say thank you because he is doing it out of respect and manners. that's what you can't find these days are gentlemen who do open doors, etc.
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abercrombiehottie_09
(5/7):
I disagree. Being a teenage that is starting to date, you do begin to notice these things. As a little girl, you learn that guys are supposed to pull out you chair and protect you and things, but no one does it anymore, and when they do, you are so stunned and shocked that you don't know what to do. If people would just raise their children to be curtious, this wouldn't even be a issue.
*`* Nikko
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Anonymous
(7/11):
As a young woman, I definitely appreciate & acknowledge when a man is chivalrous. It's my opinion that there are far too few men out there that actually have manners. Let alone know anything about chivalry.
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baysider
(1/5):
Chivalry is the way to treat a "lady." If women today were more "ladylike", there might be more chivalry.
Let's face it, many women today do not behave like "ladies": with modesty, decorum, and politeness, and femininity.
Rather, many women today are more warrior-like than ladylike: sharp tongued, bad "in your face" attitudes, and aggressive.
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Anonymous
(4/4):
Of course its dead, women only go for the 'bad boys' then they can bitch about them to their friends, like how he earns billions dealing drugs but doesn't ask about her job....!!!
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Anonymous
(9/23):
Sidetracking a little but same topic.. really annoying is how these days a guy doesnt think twice about letting foul language slip in front of females? thats the biggest turn off for me and i really appreciate a guy who keeps it clean
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Responses (21)
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matthewelync
(7/7):
The Sizzz the Sizz-bot. It all depends on the bird you are with. Some notice and do things like offering to pay and other princesses get mad when you forget once and expect you to pay for everything. .....
I love the female reactions to my left. Priceless
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Slew
(7/8):
Chivalry is as dead as a blowjob on the first date (except in Kentucky). I applaud you for walking curbside, but these are things you just do because you are "the man" rather than wanting to be appreciated for it. A true woman, not some skeez, will appreciate it.
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cstraw
(7/12):
Sizzzler, you're my hero.
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Anonymous
(7/14):
I definitely notice these things and notice if he does not, too. Quality manners in a guy will get a quality lady.
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Anonymous
(7/15):
Unfortunately, many people don't even know that gentlemen are supposed to open car doors, walk on the street side, etc. Maybe we need to spend more time teaching good manners including: please, thank you and excuse me. dee
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disquod
(7/24):
I hope that the women sizzzler dates and those who answered his post are not believers in equality of the sexes. Your stated thoughts show that, according to you, women are something "special" and must be treated so. NONSENSE! The only differences are the ones we create ourselves. Everybody deserves to be treated politely, but no one deserves special treatment. Hey sizzz and other posters, this is the 21st century, not the 18th!
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HBprincess
(7/24):
I do notice...but I havn't found anyone (in America) who does this. Whats your number? ;-)
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dbowers3
(7/25):
You complain about being a gentleman. Did your mother raise your right? Your should do those things (open doors, walk curbside, use a napkin) because they are the right things to do, not to score points or get thanks. Women will appreciate a gentleman, even if they don't say thank you.
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shopgirl
(7/25):
hey, jerr...you're dating the wrrrrrrrrong women if 'courtesy' and 'sincerity' are being questioned.
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CrzyChk
(7/25):
I love it when a gentleman does these nice things once and a while for me, but sometimes I like to do them myself. We certainly notice when u do these things, it makes a heart a flutter and even a simple smile will pass as a "thank you". My question is this...Do guys notice this "smile"? or are they too busy talking or staring at our chests or rear-ends?
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DaliMama
(7/25):
I am appreciative if doors are opened but iI do not expect it...I appreciate a man walking on the outside as long as it is not my "purse side", I do expect to be seated by a man in a restaurant and I do expect to have males stand when I am leaving or returning to the table. I always tell young men when they do someting Chivalrous to call their mother and tell her a stranger wanted then to know they did a GREAT JOB. THAT IS WHERE IT ALL BEGINS AND I ALWAYS ACKNOWLEDGE THE GESTURES SET FORTH BY MEN WITH GOOD MANNERS AND I ALWAYS ACKNOWLEDGE THeIR MOTHERS..
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DavoMax
(7/25):
Heck yea, this blows. It's not like i'm trying to score with them just because ai do something nice, I just like to be a gentleman sometimes. And then a *&$@! comes along and screws it up for everyone.
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garagesaler
(7/25):
Jerry, after being married for 15 years I always say thank you when my wonderful husband holds/opens the door and all those wonderful chivalrous acts. If they don't say thank you, they're not worth your time.
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marathon
(7/26):
Why would they notice somthing that they have tried to be rid of. Most women change there men when they change there hand bag. Oh, the sidewalk issue. Most people don't know what your talking about. Most.
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SDSUalumni
(7/31):
Being a female, I definitely appreciate it when men open the door for me, let me go ahead of them on the bus, etc. And I thank them for it. Trust me, there are women out there who appreciate it when men act like the gentlemen they are supposed to be.
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CrazyRatLady
(8/8):
WooHoo!!! Yes, we notice! Yes, we are appreciative! Now, go thank your mother for teaching you to be a gentleman and thank your father for modeling the behavior. As the mother of two grown boys (and two grown girls), it was an uphill struggle from day one!! And never give up hope of meeting a real lady, however rare they may be. That is the brux of the problem, not your manners. But don't expect acknowlegement in the conventional sense. Real ladies respond in kind; they make you proud to be seen with them. They don't embarrass you by their dress, demeanor or speech. Chivalry is not dead, but it has taken one heckuva beating. Now, go hug your Mom and Dad.
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sweetsam
(11/8):
yeah i notice the simple thing guys do for me!! Samantha
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chrono2428
(11/8):
Of cource! Most women now-a-days don't even take notice to that! All they care about is how big the restaurant is n how much ur gonna spend in it...lol...k
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neni
(3/31):
i tOtally aqree with yOu ... i think chivalry is dead in some cases ; but not all .
some men dont do it out of stupidness . but its alriqht .those who do it should continue to show their courtesy .
some quys sware thei know it all & can't be kind enouqh to open a door . ; & instead let it slam in our faces .; but that shudnt b all cases.
so if yu show respectful actiOns & all that crap ; then continue . because ther reali isnt a qood reason to stopp . ; its qood to continue & show that at least one man on this earth has manners !
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mzbaddwoman
(11/30):
chivalry is dead today because of dis rotton hateful unfeeling society we live in now
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KyGuy
(3/11):
Slew, Bj's on the first date are dead here as well.
-Guy from Ky
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