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SIRS! Let me start by saying that I am flattered that you hold me, Zac Birnbaum, in such high regard as to offer me monthly CDs which grant me complimentary use of your service. While I am consistently recognized by several entities, primarily those in the food service and adult entertainment sectors, yours is the first internet company to directly court me, no doubt due to my exceptional legal girth.
That being said, it has quickly become evident that, because I have chosen not to subscribe to your service, you have escalated your efforts from those of polite, mail-based overtures to strong arm tactics which constitute postal harassment which is in violation of Section 527.6 of California's Code of Civil Procedure....
Please be advised that I have, in my possession, 73 AOL compact discs (or "CDs"), all of which are taking space in my gleaming office. Due to my stance on preserving the environment, I am unable to properly dispose of said discs....
In compensation for my losses, I demand that AOL remit, in cash, the fair market value of the cumulative hours offered to me which is, by my count, 29,200 hours or 30.4 months of service or a total of seven hundred and eight dollars and seventy-one cents ($708.71 USD). Furthermore, I demand that you cease your constant harassment in the form of these seemingly benevolent monthly packages or I shall be forced to escalate.....
It is my assumption that your have produced 100 (C) of these packages and may be at a loss of where to send the remaining twenty (XX)-seven. My advice, which is hereby administered pro bono, is that you send the remaining 27 discs to some other worthy recipient — perhaps an impoverished family or high-school aged teen with promise — who may better embrace your service....Warmest personal regards, Z. BIRNBAUM
About this poster:
I'm outraged.
Posted by:
Z_Birnbaum
(male, mid-30s)
(Posted 10/12/05)
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AOL's STRONG ARM TACTICS!
