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People Who Do Not Acknowledge Gifts
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I do not give gifts to people in order to get thank you or to look good. But it really bothers me when I take the time to send someone a gift and they never acknowledge receiving it! I feel bad asking if they got it, because then it's like I am looking for a thank you. But sometimes I just really want to know if they got it or if they like it! It's so frustrating. My mother would be so disappointed if I did not thank someone for a gift.
About this poster:
Posted by:
tinkypants
(female, mid-30s)
(Posted 9/20/05)
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Responses (5)
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grandpa
(2/3):
I didn't ask for the gift, don't want the gift and I am not going to thank anyone for giving it to me. Unless you are going to give me a new car or a new house, I don't want it and don't need it.
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noadvertising
(2/10):
I bet at some point in his life "grandpa" needed things other than a new car or house, and received them as gifts. It's a wonder he ever received anything further though, with an attitude like he has. Whether one asks for or needs an item is not the point... Evidently someone loves you and is trying to please you in a traditional manner. How hard is it to say thanks, even if something doesn't suit you? Must be hell living such a grouchy life.
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Anonymous
(11/1):
It's human nature to take things for granted. Get used to it. And just remember that even if they aren't thankful (and they probably are) they'll still make use of whatever you're giving them.
Or at least, that's how it works in an almost perfect world.
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frankshultz
(10/2):
Grandpa has the right idea in my opinion even if he expresses it in a way that most here don't agree with. I really get frustrated with people who insist on buying me gifts despite the fact that I have told them many times that I am trying to live a simple life free from as many material possesions as possible. I believe we become slaves to material and the more you have the more you are enslaved. The main point is that one of the best gifts you can give is respecting someone's wishes and allow them to live the lifestyle they prefer to. There is nothing wrong with just spending some quality time together without distractions.
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flemenco51
(11/23):
what ever happened to humanity and graciousness? it is not the gift but the giver. it is not the object itself but the person behind it. -- Oh, I see I put this in the wrong reply box...lol!
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Responses (33)
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cali
(9/21):
I agree! The worst is when you send wedding presents. I could careless for the actual thank you, but am more concerned as to whether or not Pottery Barn did indeed send out my purchase.
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cstraw
(9/22):
my sister in law threw a second birthday for my niece in which she got a TON of gifts, and great things like a shiny red tricycle and beautiful clothes. She never sent thank you notes. I'm embarassed for her.
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noadvertising
(9/28):
People no longer have time for common courtesies. They're too busy sitting in front of their TVs or PCs. I have a 6 year old son, and every year we send out thank you notes for his birthday presents. More than half of his friends' parents don't bother. I think it's rude and shows lack of appreciation. Our society is becoming more and more self-centered. I have my son participate in the thank you's to the degree he's able, and will continue to insist he send thank you notes no matter how many kids we invite.
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yetmost
(12/31):
I agree. The person does not have to say any thing special about the gift.
Just some sign that they got it is fine.
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Anonymous
(2/28):
I understand exactly what you mean, and I deal with this kind of frustration a lot. This situation is also irritating in the world of e-mail, because very few people even acknowledge (much less respond to) e-mail.
Basically, I think most people are narcissists. They think the world revolves around them, and any gifts they receive they feel *entitled* to, so why should they thank you?
I think the key point here is to avoid sending gifts to people who are continually ungrateful. You might even wish to keep a list of the people who don't acknowledge gifts, so that you won't forget what they're really like. Remember the expression "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"? I think that applies here. Make up your mind not to cast pearls before swine. Furthermore, what goes around comes around. People who are ungrateful will get their own behavior back many times over--plus they'll never experience much genuine happiness in life.
So, in short, avoid people who aren't grateful, and try to focus on the positive things in your own life and the good you can do in this world. It's hard, but people who are jerks are just not worth a lot of your attention.
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Anonymous
(12/5):
Thanks for the last post. Casting pearls before swine, indeed! I wonder if the folks who think they need not send a thank you would be pissed off if you showed up to their wedding/birthday party with no gift? Ya think???
To you ungrateful twats who never acknowledge the birthday and Xmas gifts I send you...you know who you are. Yep, it's you niece and nephew, brother, and stepmother, too. You are all officially OFF my gift list! Whew, that felt good. I think I'll go buy myself something nice with the Xmas money I just saved.
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Anonymous
(4/5):
Once again, several holidays pass (Thanksgiving, Christmas, three birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Easter) with no acknowledgment. Thank goodness tracking numbers are available, otherwise - how would one know if the package was delivered? Of course, we wait 2 to 3 weeks, then ask if pkg was received... answer is: "oh yes, thank you!". Or get the kids on the phone to tell grandparents (us) - "thank yoooou" in a sing song voice. No word if clothes are liked, if sizes fit, or what's the name of the dolly we sent? blah-blah-blah. Enough is enough... figure the way to deal with this is become self-empowered. I/we cannot make any of the kids "thank us"... we cannot control what they think, or how they feel. But we can control what we do. Sending a card on holidays will be nice, for we are thinking of them... but no more standing in line, choosing the right gift, and packaging it up. There are local charities that can use my/our time more. When Christmas time comes - thank goodness for checks (you know they've been cashed by the signature endorsement). By the way -- the kids (2 boys - now early 40s) were raised to write thank you notes - and I/we do not understand why they don't now, or encourage their family to do so. Post note - When there are miles separating families, and in order to have a relationship, especially with the grandkids, they also have to contribute to make it a working two-way process. If any one has any suggestions - please post! Enjoy your day, and know you are not alone in this plight.
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olah
(7/8):
some really are ungrateful. and i think i must agree they don't have this not so good training when their young. it just frustrating coz you're giving a piece of you, but yeah, maybe they don't want it or like it. and not saying thank you,- even for just a simple word, or gesture. it's not much to ask. but yeah, you have to live with it. some people are just ungrateful.
just be happy. it's part of the training to not to expect something in return. in that way, there will be less pain.
thanks for sharing your insights. =)
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olah
(7/8):
some really are ungrateful. and i think i must agree they don't have this not so good training when their young. it's just frustrating coz you're giving a piece of you, you share... but yeah, maybe they don't want it or like it. and not saying thank you,- even for just a simple word, or gesture. it's not much to ask actually. but yeah, you have to live with it. some people are just ungrateful.
just stay happy and not thinking about it. it's part of the training to not to expect something in return. in that way, there will be less pain.
thanks for sharing your insights. =)
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Anonymous
(7/31):
I recently sent a request to a wedding couple to whom I had sent a gift from Bed Bath and Beyond (BB&B) on 9 May. I received an email confirmation that BB&B shipped the gift, but have heard nothing from the couple. I sent them yesterday (30 Jul 08) a note asking them if they received my gift and if not, I'd contact BB&B. I spent $60 on their gift (that's where they were registered), so common courtesy is that they send me a note acknowledging receipt. I don't care if they thank me for it, I just want to know they received it from BB&B. When I got married, the day I received a gift, I sent a thank you the very next day. How easy is that?
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Anonymous
(9/30):
I agree. At the very least, an acknowledgment that the gift was received would be nice. I think what's happened, in this day and age, is that too many of us are so "busy" much of the time that things which were once simple common courtesy and manners taught to every child have all but been forgotten. Some recipients are procrastinators by nature who have good intentions yet never get around to an acknowledgment or a 'thank you'. They may indeed be grateful, but it's rather difficult for the giver to know this. If someone cares enough about me to take the time to send me a gift, then I think I can and should take the time to write, email, or phone that person to thank them. If not, then shame on me.
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Anonymous
(12/16):
If anyone thinks enough of you to give you a gift you should at the very least be appreciative enough to at least say a verbal thank-you if not a written one. This above is just plain bad manners and lack of teaching.
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lea72
(1/11):
When someone takes the time to think of me and give me a gift, it's common decency to thank them for it. It's no different than someone holding the door open for you, giving you a compliment, or doing something else for you that is generous or courteous. I am dealing with a friend like this right now. I got her a gift because I enjoy giving gifts. However, when someone doesn't even acknowledge the gift...it is rude and inconsiderate. As for "grandpa" who disagrees...if someone tells me they don't want a gift...I usually don't get them one. If you get gifts for people who would rather not have one and then you expect a thank you...you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
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Jenna
(8/20):
I hate to say this, but with four nieces and nephews, by personality you could predict which two would acknowledge a gift and which two never do. One niece will turn 20 soon. I really do not want to send her anything at all. My husband says to send only a card. I may do that. All these kids came from UPM families, while my husband and I struggle hard to pay bills. It's disgusting.
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gin54
(1/10):
I am upset with my 20 yr old daughter. Her grandparents gave her a Christmas gift which she has not called to thank them for. I told her she needed to call, but she ignores me or gets angry
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Winetime
(1/14):
Oh i sooo agree and have noticed now that I dont thank you cards from weddings or showers! whats wrong with people these days? its common courtesy!
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moscote
(5/21):
I have a male friend to whom I gave a present around Christmas time; I know that he received it, because I put it in his hands, but he has yet to acknowledge what the gift was and whether he liked it or not; for all I know, he threw it out the car window on his way back to work. Recently, I gave him birthday presents (which I had to wait two weeks to finally get to him) and two days later, I have not heard from him. I think most of us don't give gifts because we want to get something back, or just to hear the thank yous; but we do want to hear from the person that they got the gift, and hopefully like it, because we put a lot of thought into the gift (at least I do), and try to give something that would be uniquely suited to that person; we want to please them, and make them happy with our gifts, and we like to see or hear their immediate reactions. Saying "oh, yeah I got that, thank you" a year later, after being asked, is very inconsiderate of the feelings of someone who has gone out of their way to do something special for you. And like someone said in an earlier post, I hate to ask about it, because I don't want to seem like I'm just fishing for a thank you. I already got the "thank you" when I put the gifts in his hands, now I want to know if he liked them. I can't imagine anyone being so busy that they can't take 5 minutes to call or even e-mail someone to acknowledge a gift. It's just downright rude and inconsiderate, and can be very hurtful.
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letdown
(10/20):
The worst is when you are sending gifts to little kids. It's not their fault that their parents are jerks, so not fair to stop sending them. So you just have to suck it up and expect to not be acknowledged for the sake of the child. Unfortunately, the child is not being taught to respond to gifts, so he/she will probably grow up doing the same! :(
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KimC
(11/23):
I couldn't agree with this more. I could actually care less about the "thank you", but it's the acknowledgement of the gift that bothers me. It's especially disheartening when the gift receiver made a point of sending me a wish list stating items they would like, and also letting everyone know (via a countdown of sorts) when their birthday would be. In this age of technology when you have so much access to connecting with people (email, text, cell, facebook, etc), it irks me that the person in question can take the time to send me a joke or a youtube link, but can't even take 2 seconds to say "hey... the gift arrived". I give very generous gifts to family members and never forget an occassion. in a way, I'm creating the problem. I allow them to take advantage of me and take these gifts for granted. Today is the day things change. How much do you want to bet I suddenly start getting calls and emails when people STOP receiving gifts from me.
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Mommer
(12/3):
Yes - this happens so often, I feel like I'm from a different planet! In the past month, 2 sisters and one wedding couple - no word if gifts were received. I'm ready to give up. Maybe I will delude myself that I sent a gift, and give money or goods to a charity instead.
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Anonymous
(12/25):
I am a single female. My siblings are both married and have children. I do not send my nieces birthday gifts anymore because they do not call to say thank you or acknowledge they received the gift, nor do my siblings. The past 2 years I've sent both families a beautifully wrapped family Christmas gift (food basket of goodies). Last year I had to call and find out if they received it. They did and replied "oh yah, thank you." This year I sent them both another family christmas gift (dessert). It was delivered on their doorstep. Three days have past and they have not yet called me to acknowledge they received it, moreless enjoyed the gift. "Why do I continue sending gifts" I ask myself. I want to try and build a relationship with my nieces and nephew. But I've come to realize that there is no relationship if it is not reciprocated. I do not receive any gifts on my birthday or for Christmas, let alone a Christmas card or phone call. It sucks.
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Anonymous
(12/25):
I agree. It doesn't matter how big or small the gift,it's a common courtesy to thank the person who send it. Why do people always assign $$$ to gift? To me, it's the thought and the time that someone actually thinking about me and taking the time to send me something - that's all matters. I spent a lot of mailing gift and money envelope to my neice and nephews and they never even say thank you or call. That's kind of hurt. I dont' expect people send me a gift but it's important to acknowledge.
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Anonymous
(12/26):
This message goes to the single anonymous lady who sent to handmade gifts to her family with no response or acknowledgement. PLEASE DO NOT FEEL ALONE!!! I have the same thing happen to me with my family. Especially when you live over a thousand miles away, it's nice to know your gift did arrive. It is ridiculous that I have to count on TRACK YOUR ORDER instead of a phone call from the recipient. That's what happened to me this Christmas. The ironic thing is the family member I sent it too complained to me previously about his gifts not being acknowledged by other members of our family.
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Anonymous
(1/10):
I agree it's rude and I have a simple solution.
Stop sending gifts to people who don't acknowledge them
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tellinit
(2/7):
I just sent a very nice plant to a high official in my city. I am a benefactor for a major charity that this official presides over. Some sort of acknowledgment, even from his secretary, I would have appreciated, rather than the name of a signer in the mail room would have been nice. It has been two weeks since this official received my birthday present, and I have to admit that I am very hurt. I discovered that this individual only cares about getting monetary contributions and does not seem to care about the human spirit. This individual is a high ranking religious figure in my area. I agree.
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Anonymous
(3/14):
I think an acknowledgement, as well as a thank you, is the appropriate thing to do
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Anonymous
(3/21):
It is not surpising in contemporary culture. We're talking two one-syllable words. For some, saying them is just too much trouble, too costly, too demeaning of their dignity, and just too civilized.They have forgotten what it means to be a true human being. As for grandpa, well, age doesn't let him off the hook. He was apparently brought up in a low-class, boorish household. I know people in their seventies, who got to church every Sunday, acting in this most un-Christian way.
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Anonymous
(3/28):
Have we all turned into a bunch of neanderthals and cannot acknowledge someone being thoughtful? We're all busy and we all have the same 24 hours in the day...a little common courtesy and a nice thank you really isn't too much to ask. I don't care whether you asked for or wanted the gift...this is just respect and acknowledgement for the person who sent it. Thank you!
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Anonymous
(4/4):
Same here! My brother and his wife had 2nd birthday party for nephews and from the start I sent a hand made (i made it) diaper cake with ribbons, bottles, baby toys to decorate cake). and on birthday i send gifts.. I hear nothing!.. nothing.. Its not the $$ for me, its the fact that says, ..'hey schmuck, i got your stuff'. I mean that is all. Not a whole thank you and a conversation if not needed, but just a damn acknowledgment! And sadly I'll keep sending gifts on their birthday and christmas only because its about my nephews and no longer about the parents because i'm so done with them!
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FLWRblm
(4/8):
I definately agree that giving a gift should come from the heart. Having said that, the recipient should just say a simple thank you, even if it was not their idea of the perfect gift
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LoriMott
(4/20):
I agree... I quit buying gifts. If I take the time to shop not to mention the money and they do not even acknowledge it why keep it up. Let them ask next time where's my gift? bet they will not ... this came after lots and lots of gifts and not even a thanks. My husband's family acts like we owe them... Sorry no more.. Dear Mott's from gibson city..
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Anonymous
(9/22):
I agree 100%. We have this couple who are friends of my husband, and they have never acknowledged any gift that we sent them. These included their wedding, baby shower, and more recently, a christening gift for their baby. Need I also point out that we sent a christening gift to them even though we had were not able to attend the baby christening in person (we are not in the same city). They have never sent a thank you card, or even bothered with an e-mail, Facebook message to say "thank you". The only times we get anything in the mail from them are the wife's bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding, baby shower, and baby christening. Why would you send an invite to your bachelorette party/baby shower to someone who does not live in your city? I really that think it's an open request for gifts. I know it's the wife's doing. She has always been a narcissistic person who feels entitled to all things good and luxurious, so why should she thank anyone? I think her mother should be ashamed to have raised such a narcissistic, self-centered daughter, who above all, has no manners.
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Anonymous
(12/14):
A bitch just did this to me :(
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